Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
