I haven't been this sober since birth.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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