I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
