Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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