Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
