Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
