I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
