Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
