I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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