Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize