Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
