Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
