Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
