separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
