this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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