lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
