omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
