It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
