I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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