if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
