Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
