Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
