You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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