happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I believe in your delicious
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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