There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
