I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
