Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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