You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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