He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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