Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
