everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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