i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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