I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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