Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
