proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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