Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
