He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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