Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize