He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize