genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
