Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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