Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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