thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
