just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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