Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
