You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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