I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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