is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
