Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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