problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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