My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
