If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
