i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
