Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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