Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
