You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize