Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
