When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
