i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
