If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
