I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I didn't notice because vodka
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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