my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
