i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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