Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
