It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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