why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So much rum. So many feels.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
